Last night, I had every plan to sit down and write a blog post about yoga. In a moment of procrastination, however, I decided to take some time and finally organize my jewelry. I was hanging everything up on my new “jewelry tree”, when I realized that my favorite necklace was missing. This necklace was a gift from my grandmother, who originally got it as a homecoming gift from my grandfather when he returned from a tour in Africa.
We lost my grandfather just over a year ago, and I’ve done an excellent job of putting it all away in the back of my mind, where I don’t have to deal with it. But last night, when I finally found the necklace after turning my apartment upside-down, I had a complete breakdown. I just laid down on the floor, called my mom, and bawled.
Marian Eckert was the most wonderful man I have ever known, and probably will ever know. He was kind and generous, he was brilliant, he was a prolific writer, an influential governor in Poland, a professor of history at the university in Zielona Gora, and a fantastic dancer. He was madly in love with his wife, sweet to his kids and grandchildren, and had that peculiar quality where he made every single person he met feel valued and important. He was one-of-a-kind, and I consider myself the luckiest person for having known him and been loved by him.
Grief is a very strange thing. I’ve been lost in sadness, I’ve been truly irate, and I’ve felt helpless. But grief keeps sweeping back and forth like a wave, where I can push it deep down into my mind most of the time, but can also feel completely overwhelmed when I don’t expect it. I’ve spent a lot of my life tuning my emotions because I always felt everything so strongly, and it was incredible to truly feel something that way yesterday.
Anyway, I suppose the point of sharing the post is to remind myself, and others, that emotions in general are beautiful, and they’re what make us human. I want to honor my grandfather by being true to myself, as well as by trying to be the sort of person that he was. It’s so incredibly hard to lose someone so wonderful, but I hope that each and every one of you has the chance to know and love someone like him in your lives, whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a family member. Allow yourself to feel and love and live fully. Kocham Cie, Dziadku.